Game Reviews


289.2 hrs at review time
Posted: 12 Mar, 2019 @ 5:37pm
Updated: 23 Jun, 2021 @ 10:16pm

I cannot believe it’s been three years since the game got on Steam and I still haven’t posted a review. I’ve been playing since v0.9.8, so I wanted to wait a while and think before writing its review. Instead what I did was boot up the game and forget about life. And just to make it clear what I mean by ‘forget about life’: You see how Steam claims I’ve played 300 hours? What it doesn’t say is that it was only booted two times. I avoid playing this game as much as I can, but every now and then, about once a year when I have at least a full week off, I’ll make sure I have enough food supplies and a pillow next to my keyboard, brace myself, and start this up. And oh, let me tell you, what’s coming after that, those are some the best days of my life. Forget about travelling, forget about meeting your heroes, forget about making a scientific breakthrough, this game right here is all you need to make the whole year worth it and anything else is irrelevant at that point.

That being said, I think it would be immoral to recommend this game to anyone. I used to think I’m incapable of getting addicted to anything before playing this, and to be frank, I’m still not entirely sure whether I am addicted or the game is just exceptionally well made, but the end result is clear. I never played a game for more than a few hours before discovering Factorio, yet here I am, pondering whether the time has come to play it again like I’m planning my death. And the thought seems very appealing. But if you are willing to accept the consequences and you’re absolutely sure you know what you’re getting into, oh you’re in for a proper good time.

June 2021 edit: Fuck Kovarex. Still the best game though, but he certainly killed the mood. I hope he learns to be less of a cunt, cause there’s certainly a hint of good intent behind all the shit.

Star Trek Online

794.1 hrs at review time
Posted: 31 Oct, 2019 @ 6:42am

Alright, fuck it, you’ve got me. I’ve put however many hundred hours it says up there into this game, and I can barely give over 20 hours to most games. It is a horrible bug ridden hole that works so well it needs a command to kill yourself when you get stuck in a leaf. It’s also, as you’d expect from a free mmo, a money hungry pay-to-win that keeps all the shiny new ships and stuff behind a paywall. Except that it’s not really. I’ve been playing on and off since around 2012, and I’ve yet to hit that paywall. Sure, I go in PvP and get one shot killed before I even have time to look at the screen, but a lot of that comes down to not perfecting my build. And the magic expensive stuff I’m hit by. Outside of that, though, the game’s been dumping so much free stuff on me I don’t even have a reason to look at the store. Actually, that’s a lie, I had a look to see if I can increase the ship limit, because I’ve somehow got close to a hundred ships for free across my characters. And don’t get me wrong, I want to hate it, I absolutely despise microtransactions... but I just love STO? It’s the best recreation of the Star Trek universe we have, and I’ve wasted endless hours just flying around, exploring and doing the occasional mission. And oh, there are a lot of great episodes. It’s wonderful. It’s a horrible game, but it feeds my love for Star Trek.

Sins Of A Solar Empire: Rebellion

20.8 hrs at review time
Posted: 31 Oct, 2019 @ 7:47am
Updated: 31 Oct, 2019 @ 7:50am
Product received for free

Quite simply the best RTS I ever played. I’ll be honest though, I only got this game for the Star Trek: Armada III mod. Played a few vanilla games with a friend, so I can tell you the gameplay isn’t much different, but for the love of god, please do yourself a favour and get the mod.

First time I tried it, I played as the Federation against Romulans. Started with a nice flagship I had to protect. Not like that’s gonna be any issue, eh? Thing’s got more hull and firepower than anything I could pump out at the start. Went around the system following the Starfleet tradition of liberating planets and integrating them into our collective consciousn—ahem. As I was saying, beautiful ships, very pretty explosions, spent most of the game with the UI hidden taking screenshots, just sweeping through systems with ease, for we are definitely not a military organisation. So naturally, when we finally met the Romulans an hour or two in, I didn’t think twice about it. Send in the Ambassador, they’ll be dealt with in time for breakfast. What’s that? Two D’deridexes? Pff, we’ve got Galaxies and Defiants, relax.

Game over. Unlike me, they didn’t forget the rules and only targeted the flagship. Get back to the title screen, and there it sits, the very D’deridex that killed me, just taunting me. I allied with the Borg and eradicated their pitiful race.

Very short game, I was expecting more. Next day I set everything to longest and went all v all with a second star accessible only via one asteroid. Many glorious battles were fought, let me tell you. That wretched asteroid kept claiming ship after ship as everyone failed to reach into the other empires’ space. Eventually I managed to get to the second star thanks to a well planned covert mission as the main fleet sacrificed itself providing just enough distraction to let a colony vessel pass. My empire was lost to the Cardassians, but it didn’t matter, for I had an entire unexplored system all to myself, where I could rebuild my forces and overtake the galaxy! I jump to the first planet to set up my new capital and... yeah, you guessed it, already taken over by the Borg. It was nice while it lasted.

Borg cube taunting me on the title screen.

That’s the story of how I was found by my family, after 40 hours, presumed dead until one of them built up the courage to poke me. I didn’t move.

Kerbal Space program

13.4 hrs at review time
Posted 1 September, 2021 @ 12:17pm
Product received for free

I have figured out all the characteristics of Schwarzschild black holes, what causes the event horizons, how photons interact with them, that there’s a photon sphere, and far more than I am willing to acknowledge, all in the span of two hours, entirely by myself, because I made ONE warp jump in this game.

10/10, you’ll become an astrophysicist in no time.

xkcd 1356.

Or it might’ve been the Pfizer jab earlier that day, idk.

Floating Point

4.8 hrs at review time
Posted: 3 Sep, 2021 @ 8:14pm

Good palette cleanser. Ultimate webswinging game. Very soothing and satisfying.

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